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• Mon, 12:45: You guys!! Rumor on the street is they're actually gonna release the Legend of Korra soundtrack! I'S EXCITED!!!
• Mon, 13:05: My 2 TB external is currently 97% full. ^^;
• Mon, 14:03: Dear ME, You either need to allow me to jump or have a more useful mini-map. Preferably both. Love, Me - Enough of that, hw now.
• Mon, 14:57: Pretty much the wisest and most centered 13 y.o. I've ever encountered. "Slut Shaming and Why it's Wrong": http://t.co/vvIT2Dnl
• Mon, 15:18: LoadingReadyRun : The Whole Story: The Pop Can http://t.co/Ts4RxsF6 @TheEscapistMag
• Mon, 15:58: Trying to teach Nellie "down" and wondering if it's a lost cause...
• Mon, 16:10: I need to get some good training treats for Nellie - cheese cubes are too messy and inconvenient.
• Mon, 16:27: My god, Nellie is a messy drinker... She also seems to have a pattern of lapping in triplets. O.O
• Mon, 16:27: My god, Nellie is a messy drinker... She also seems to have a pattern of lapping in triplets. O.o
• Mon, 16:40: A show all about cop partners who go to couples therapy. And people think they're gay. They're partners, get it? WTF...

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• Sat, 12:31: I bought, downloaded, and installed Mass Effect on Steam, and... Nothing. O.o There doesn't even seem to be any contents in the help file...
• Sat, 12:32: Well, I was able to launch the game directly from my file manager, so... That's good?
• Sat, 12:34: Or... Not... I was able to start a launcher, which then tried to open it via Steam when I clicked "Play". *headdesks* GAME! WORK!
• Sat, 16:41: So, still accepting offers for someone to teach me to drive, since all three of my healthy parents aren't interested. ^_^;
• Sun, 00:04: I just disappointed my dad so very much, and now it's coming back to me and disappointing me quite deeply. Ready to not be a fuck-up now...
• Sun, 00:06: At least Allie was able to calm me down a bit and help me feel better about myself, but I'm still feeling pretty crappy, as I should.
• Sun, 01:05: Turns out I have to run Steam as administrator in order to get Mass Effect to launch - why not say that? O.o https://t.co/HW9FZOPi
• Sun, 01:08: Nevermind, that didn't work either...
• Sun, 02:07: Finally got ME to run! Not quite sure what I did to fix it, but I'm not complaining. Unfortunately, now I'm too tired to concentrate. ^_^;
• Sun, 02:42: I have a whole bunch of socializing I want to do next week, but no specific dates, much less times, for any of it. ><; Planning fail!

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• Thu, 12:23: There's nothing quite like knowing I was able to help a friend to make me feel better about constantly asking my friends for support.
• Thu, 12:31: I'm SERIOUSLY thinking of going for this one... http://t.co/0MPtVB8B
• Thu, 13:09: I hate when the lilacs start dying. :(
• Thu, 13:13: You know what, if you don't want your kids' teachers to teach them about climate change, homeschool them or move them to a private school.
• Thu, 13:15: That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching kids to think critically about the debate.
• Thu, 21:20: So, I figured out why my internet's been so derpy lately - I've been connected to the 1 mbps city WiFi instead of my 6 mbps connection. ><;
• Thu, 21:34: Newp, I've decided my internet still sucks.
• Thu, 22:35: Fuck - I think I may have lost one of my favorite earrings in the move back to my dad's. :( Here's to hoping it'll show up...
• Thu, 23:20: So, lets say I were to give up on USI Wireless - any suggestions for who to get internet from?
• Thu, 23:28: "Well, can I at least be in it?" "You were. Just now. Fuck off." Ahh, @loadingreadyrun...

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• Wed, 13:16: Want. http://t.co/92rX1r4i
• Wed, 13:26: Australian train etiquette FTW (courtesy of @jlist): http://t.co/qUEohhOW
• Wed, 14:01: Argh, I swear I'm on 14.4 modem today. "Images? What are images? Here, let me take 3 minutes to load it for you." Why am I paying $40/mo.?
• Wed, 16:12: RT @miracleofsound: NOW OBAMA WANTS TEH GAYZ MARRIGED. I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEAS TO HAVE A GAY COMMANDURRR SHEPURD
• Wed, 16:20: Is it bad that I want to play the Mass Effect series even though I only have a PS2 and aren't a gamer? Too bad there isn't a TV version...
• Wed, 16:21: (Is "aren't" the right word there? I know it'd normally be "am not"...)
• Wed, 16:42: どこにいてもストレスばっか。
• Wed, 17:41: I just noticed the inside of the box. :) http://t.co/NFJLlCis
• Wed, 18:08: 逃げちゃった。
• Wed, 18:25: Officially feeling like a failure as a human being. Or at least as a non-child. #FML

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• Tue, 12:47: RT @JeriLRyan: OMG HE'S HUGGING HER!!!!! #melt RT @TwoClouds: Don't tell me this isn't eligible for your daily cute :) http://t.co/8ZgpRP3G
• Tue, 13:11: Watching ST:TNG 2x13, "Time Squared". Love this episode, but it always creeps me out a bit.
• Tue, 13:59: Got four 16 oz. bottles of Yardley Lavender & Rosemary shower gel for $2 each when they're usually $5.50 - that's Suave's price! #HappySassa
• Tue, 14:42: Picked up a 5-10:30 shift in cos at the Hiawatha Walgreens. Yay for short commutes and finally getting to use the new registers! =D
• Tue, 14:43: Well, and also yay for picking up shifts after a month of intentionally low-hour weeks.
• Tue, 15:26: That discussion between Riker and Picard in 2x13 between 29:24 and 31:15 was nice - I love how open Picard is to difficult discussions
• Tue, 16:12: All of the sudden "Mississippi" is striking me as a Really Strange Word, especially when I remember there's an actual STATE named that.
• Tue, 16:34: There's something very amusing about O'Brien looking at a dead time-shifted version of a Starfleet officer. You just wait, O'Brien...
• Tue, 19:54: Ijusthadadacustomerwhojustwentonandonabout themostuselessstuffandohmythis(ugly)shirtwouldlookjustperfectonyouand LADY I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!
• Wed, 01:03: Look at what Mike sent me! http://t.co/OLOPeNvl

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• Mon, 21:41: It's a frosting from the tub kind of night. Will try not to eat the WHOLE tub.
• Mon, 21:43: I wanna watch some more Madoka Magica, but I'm too lazy to set up the TV. I'm officially the lamest thing ever today.
• Mon, 21:55: Alrighty, got the TV set up after a bit of a battle - Madoka-ing it up on the big screen. :)
• Mon, 22:03: How does Kyouko manage to not break her "Rocky" after dancing with it in her mouth for minutes. You'd think her saliva'd do it at least.
• Mon, 22:38: Is Kyouko the only Japanese person on earth who eats apples with the skin on?
• Mon, 23:12: Somehow the Sayaka episode managed to hit me even harder the second time...
• Mon, 23:38: Fucking headache. ><
• Mon, 23:54: "Fate: protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise."
• Tue, 00:12: Dear Geordi and Riker, Why are you completely ignoring Data? WTF? That was actually rather uncomfortable to watch...
• Tue, 00:26: God damn, Riker, how can you possibly cook at a table that low? My back hurts just thinking about it...

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• Sun, 12:55: This is one of the strangest album covers I've seen in a while... http://t.co/v3dDyn2a (NSFW)
• Sun, 12:56: RT @feliciaday: There's a loud fly in here so I can't write and now I'm cleaning my desk with alcohol and a Q-tip. #procrastimaster
• Sun, 13:23: German loanwords will never cease to amuse me - just came across "gefaked".
• Sun, 13:37: Pretty... Girl's Scenery -- Haruhiko Mikimoto Artworks http://t.co/QlHutSb0
• Sun, 13:49: RT @miracleofsound: All this Meshuggah is making me want to make some skull-shattering math metal.
• Sun, 13:50: I should probably start getting ready for work... >.>
• Sun, 17:21: I have entirely too much money in my wallet right now... ><;
• Sun, 17:44: Havarti with horseradish, chive, and mustard seeds - om nom nom. :)
• Sun, 21:37: I hate that I seeem to be pretty good at making friendly acquaintances, but crap at making friends... Always the same story wherever I ...
• Sun, 23:05: * wherever I work.

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Well, the official semester ends today, I have to leave for work in 30 minutes, and I've officially completed all the work for all my courses that I need to get Is in them. Yay? ^_^; And I actually got a reasonable amount of sleep last night, too!

I'm 6/12 done with Excel, though I didn't read 3 of those chapters so it might be good for me to read those and fill in the gaps, but maybe I can just do that once I'm done with the course. Not sure how long I'll be given to do the rest of the work in that class. I'm 5/12 done with intermediate accounting I, and the teacher has given me until the beginning of fall semester to finish it, but I'm taking IAII this summer (otherwise I won't be able to take it until spring '13), so that gives me 4 weeks to finish the last 7 chapters, which isn't too bad. As for management... I basically haven't done jack-squat in that class all semester. >.> I read 3/16 of the applicable chapters, and haven't submitted any work for it, which doesn't allow an I. However, my professor is being amazingly gracious and understanding, and granting me an I with the understanding that I will be informally enrolled the summer session of the course and expected to keep up with all deadlines which, frankly, is probably better than a regular I set-up anyway, since it gives me deadline pressures that don't just come from my own ideals or whatever.

So yeah, four weeks to finish IAI and do what I can in Excel, 8 weeks to do 2 classes/7 credits of materia for IAII and MGMTl, and then another 4 weeks to wrap up Excel and any IAI material I didn't finish for any reason. Say it with me, folks: "Could be better, could be worse."

I'm just grateful to have a bit of a clean-slate feeling after the difficulty I've had with IAS these past few weeks. I know it might end up just being more of the same, but... Whatever, I'll take it. At least I'm not paying more money for dragging my stubbornness along a while longer. Plus, I have an excuse to breathe for a day or two before settling (back?) into the grind.

There's a lot more I could say, but I need to get ready for work. Now if only this headache would go away... *goes to break my fast*

• Thu, 12:30: 社会奉仕家（？）に会いに行かないといけないけど、やる気がな～～い。生活って面倒くさい。
• Thu, 13:31: Touched base with my teachers - I NEED to get three chapters of Excel done by 10 pm tomorrow, and then I can breathe. #IAS
• Thu, 13:35: Also, until 10 PM tomorrow, I shouldn't be doing ANYTHING at ALL that isn't homework. If I mention anything (cont) http://t.co/Y8VI3UoR
• Thu, 15:10: One of my friends is having a really hard time right now and I wish to God I culd help her...
• Thu, 19:35: Debating whether or not to order pizza tonight...
• Thu, 19:40: RT @jlist: Woah… http://t.co/7rMn4OxS #grease #pulpfiction
• Thu, 20:11: Carbing it up with a huge bowl of buttered tri-color rotini. I'd never survive on paleo or Atkins. ^_^;
• Thu, 21:33: There are occasions when I resent not living in C-U anymore. Grass is always greener 'n' all that.
• Thu, 21:50: Too many perfect stomachs! JEALOUS RAGE!! http://t.co/RtJswsJU
• Thu, 23:58: Proof that my diet's gone to crap lately? Currently having chocolate peanut butter ice cream as a "meal". ><;

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• Wed, 12:34: Had a dream today where I was teaching about ko/so/a/do, specifically the kore set - am very surprised at how good my explanation was. O.o
• Wed, 12:35: RT @GetItDoneGuy: "Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action." - ...
• Wed, 12:45: RT @UCard: Are you a blackhole of Star Wars knowledge? Come to trivia tmrw @ 7pm in Goldy's Gameroom. Use your Gopher GOLD Value for snacks!
• Wed, 12:49: He said "I sold my blood for money / There wasn't any pain / But I just can't stand the feeling / It's in someone else's veins"
• Wed, 12:59: That. Was. Awesome. Feed Dump : Van Dump http://t.co/uYVPJhdN
• Wed, 13:22: Memes as Glorious Works of Art http://t.co/5iEfQQ7x
• Wed, 13:25: 14 Hilarious Moments in Misspellings http://t.co/EcOMrQtr
• Wed, 13:36: It always makes me feel like a poser when my Pandora Classical station gives me "because it features a well-known composer" for a song.
• Wed, 13:44: In case anyone's curious to listen to my Classical station: http://t.co/j6U89Lqi
• Wed, 13:53: Talk about misleading arguments! WTF does allowing SS couples to marry have do do with dads taking responsibility? http://t.co/HOLrTKRe

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• Tue, 12:09: 日本語で長いメールを書くのは時間がかかりすぎるけど、頑張ってやるのはいい練習になりますね。
• Tue, 12:51: Does anyone know if there are any *actually* permanent hair removal options? I'd like to remove the part that shows from a swimsuit.
• Tue, 12:51: (I've heard that electrolysis actually only works for about a year.)
• Tue, 12:57: When reading webcomics, it helps in understanding them to not read them backwards... >.>
• Tue, 13:01: Does anyone who knows classical music know what song this is? http://t.co/3rpQrxv5
• Tue, 13:16: Yet another question: does anyone know of any dumbphones (particularly ones that are offered by T-Mobile) that can handle GTalk?
• Tue, 14:35: Why is it that I have to choose between being hydrated and not having to constantly go to the bathroom?
• Tue, 14:36: RT @wilw: Oh, go fuck yourself, Google. This is just stupid. http://t.co/4mdO7BOY
• Tue, 18:35: Not so much a fan of watching Shakespeare's plays without subtitles...
• Tue, 19:03: Beyonc� - If I Were A Boy: http://t.co/WSQpnJCW

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Faced two things that I've been avoiding for a couple of days, and they weren't bad at all. The back-slide in my avoidance was frustrating, but I'm at least glad I was able to pull myself out of it with relatively little drama once I decided to. Still having trouble getting myself to take my shower, and have only 40 minute before I need to be out the door to go to work, but it should be easier now that I've made some forward motion in facing perceived conflict. Yay for general motivational momentum!

Also, found out some bad news about my dad's dad's health, and this not long after finding out that my step-dad's dad has advanced dementia. Family needs to stop getting older and be healthy forever, damn it!! I know I still have four of my six grandparents left, and I should be grateful for that, but it also I get to eventually grieve four more times, and regret the ways in which I didn't spend enough time with three of them, and might not get a chance to make the fourth one proud like I feel desperate to before he eventually passes. (Not that my dad's dad's health is critical or anything like that - just clearly slowly deteriorating.)

So lazy...

• Wed, 13:30: I's a kleen fish!
• Wed, 14:17: Studying outside with the cat in gorgeous weather.
• Wed, 14:44: I seriously need to learn how to darn socks...
• Wed, 16:26: Dear self, Leave your cuticles alone. You're not helping things, I promise. Love, me
• Wed, 16:56: Sooo... I have more Wuollet's princess torte than I'll be able to eat in 2-3 sittings - anyone wanna help me with it? ^_^;
• Wed, 18:15: Blurk... Ran out of my minute allotment again. Nights, weekends, texts, and T-Mobile only until 5/3, guys.
• Wed, 19:06: "Noncurrent assets are those not meeting the definition of current assets." Who woulda thunk it?
• Wed, 21:09: Had a wonderful time chatting & eating cake with my dad at Minnehaha Falls this evening. :) We hadn't had quality time together in too long.
• Wed, 21:24: なぜか彼が集めてくれたミックスＣＤを聞きたくなった。いつか本当に離せる日が来るのでしょうか。
• Wed, 22:23: On this Very Special Episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation: Drugs are bad, mmmkay? #HeavyHandedStarTrekIsHeavyHanded

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• Tue, 17:35: I can't for the life of me remember the name of the composer for the GitS movies/Gundam OO & it's pissing me off, but I refuse to look it up
• Tue, 17:37: Kawai Kenji!! And I wanted to say something about him and the Madoka Magica composer, but now I can't remember HER name! I hate my brain...
• Tue, 17:43: Kajiura Yuki - had to look that one up. Anyway, some if Kajiura's PMMM songs remind me of Kawai's Gundam OO songs. Now back to schoolwork...
• Tue, 19:08: Rap re-working of "Somebody That I Used To Know" - interesting... http://t.co/eFwV1lDW
• Tue, 19:35: Why isn't The West Wing on Netflix Instant? #FirstWorldProblems
• Tue, 22:08: Why is the truth so very terrifying to face?
• Tue, 22:08: RT @UnvirtuousAbbey: For those in Facebook "friend request" purgatory, we pray.
• Tue, 22:40: Haven't taken a shower since Friday - should probably do that before my appointment with my social worker tomorrow...
• Tue, 22:41: (It's quite common for me to skip showers when I'm not leaving the house.)
• Tue, 23:13: Re-animating #IAS for these last two weeks. I get to watch the first episode of Legend of Korra after I finish all my ch. 5 accounting work!

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You know, I'm simultaneously extremely grateful to have friends that understand my shortcomings and do their best to put up with me by guiding me around them, and embarrassed that they constantly have to remind me of things that seem obvious and somewhat belittling after they give me that direction. I'm also grateful that, despite having those serious shortcomings, I have the humility and self-awareness to keep that knee-jerk reaction in check and remember just how much I value their guidance and aid.

In my anxiety and depression it's so easy to forget the comfort they bring me when we're together, either in-person or over the phone/IM, but the silver lining to that is I constantly get to be reminded of just how wonderful my friends are to me, and how blessed I am to have them in my life.



</sappiness>

"It gives a sense of hope. If you look at is from this concept that not everything in this world is bleak; after all the terrible stories that you watch on the news, there has got to be some kind of hope out here. And if you can't find it in the real world, comic book is basically the same thing."
Umm... No.

[00:53] Andrew Dahl: Make me a sammich? ^_^
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: I'll be over in 5
[...]
[00:53] 月影: *makes you a PB&J sammich*
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: lol
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: delicious peanuts
[00:53] 月影: oh... right...
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: <3
[00:53] 月影: <- dolt
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: haha
[00:53] 月影: remind me never to cook for you
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: It happens
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: LOL!
[00:53] Andrew Dahl: Noted.
[00:54] 月影: Remind me: you're not deathly allergic to peanuts, right?
[00:54] Andrew Dahl: lol
[00:54] Andrew Dahl: No, I am
[00:54] 月影: Oh, awesome...
[00:54] Andrew Dahl: I haven't died yet?
[00:54] 月影: Are you "there can't be peanuts eaten while I'm on this airplane" allergic, too?
[00:55] Andrew Dahl: Not that bad, no.
[00:56] Andrew Dahl: If I'm sitting around large volumes of peanuts for a while, it'll start bugging me
[00:56] Andrew Dahl: but
[00:56] Andrew Dahl: that's about it
[00:56] Andrew Dahl: Else, only real problem involves peanuts being my mouth :P
[00:56] Andrew Dahl: in my*
[00:57] 月影: I don't think there's any worry about that ever happening
[00:57] 月影: :-P
[00:57] Andrew Dahl: I would hope not lol
[...]
[00:57] 月影: God, if I were the artistic type, I'd SO draw that
[...]
[00:57] 月影: I wonder what it would look like
[00:57] Andrew Dahl: peanuts and mouth?
[00:57] Andrew Dahl: and death?
[00:57] Andrew Dahl: D:
[00:57] 月影: Maybe where your lips would have been, there's instead a row of peanuts?
[00:58] Andrew Dahl: LOL!
[00:58] Andrew Dahl: <3

Me: Can someone verify whether it's tens place, ten's place, or tens' place?
carve037: It's definitely not the second.
carve037: I think I would write the third, but would consider the first grammatical. In the first you're treating "tens" as an adjective", whereas in the third it's a possessive plural. The second is possessive singular and I don't know what singular ten it would be talking about.
me: I was thinking the second would be the number ten. That is where the number 10 is multiplied by the digit in it's place?
carve037: Ten as a concept? The argument I have with that is that then you shouldn't have an article there, and usually people say "in the tens' place" rather than *in ten's place, which you would expect to be grammatical with that interpretation.
me: Excellent point - I hadn't thought of that.
me: Linguistics FTW!

For a bit of context, a lot of Mike's friends have some animal associated with them, and a while ago he decided that I'm a fish (associated with my ditzy tendencies). He's a different animal to each of his friends, but to one of them he's a cow. (I generally either refer to him as his preferred dragon, or more commonly as a chimera, for obvious reasons.)

[22:44] 月影: Do you like bluegrass?
[22:47] Mike: it needs dressing
[22:47] Mike: but sure... when i'm in the mood
[22:55] 月影: :-P
[22:55] 月影: REAL cows don't need dressing on their grass
[22:55] 月影: Have you ever listened to any music by Mumford & Sons?
[22:56] 月影: Although I guess it's more folk than bluegrass, but close enough...
[22:57] Mike: not much for it
[22:59] 月影: So, someone once suggested that part of the reason I'm so bad at recommending media to others is that, since I have such broad tastes, it's difficult for me to get a sense of others' particular discriminations
[22:59] 月影: (discriminations not meant badly)
[23:01] Mike: ... everything sounds different underwater
[23:01] 月影: ^_^;

• Wed, 14:39: Finally settling down into actual homework. Gonna keep going until at least midnight. FAITO! #IAS
• Wed, 15:13: Huh... Apparently Maslow decided that the 48 people he considered to be self-actualized share the (cont) http://t.co/Y5q0vuhy
• Wed, 15:31: RT @Anime Column: Anime News Nina! - 2012-04-11 http://t.co/J3XLZZtr
• Wed, 15:34: ...I just put an apostrophe into the name Kenichi (to Ken'ichi) in an English document. I'm officially a freak.
• Wed, 16:32: "An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen."
• Wed, 19:01: RT @ladyofthegate: 33 Animals Who Are Extremely Disappointed In You http://t.co/dwC8Cu6z
• Wed, 19:02: RT @ANNZac: Somehow I don't think people would appreciate it if my review of Madoka Magica vol. 2 was just THIS IS SO GODDAMN GOOD over ...
• Wed, 19:05: Who wants to see The Secret World of Arrietty at @Riverviewtheatr at 12:30 on Saturday (or maybe Sunday)?
• Wed, 22:31: "You'll get exclusive access to High Quality streams of our cutting edge video series like Zero Punctuation™" Umm, guys? Have you SEEN ZP?
• Thu, 01:01: Perfect hard-boiled eggs GET! http://t.co/zryffYZh Now if only I can learn to pull off perfect soft-boiled eggs as well...

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I think a good way to end a couple of days' worth of procrastination would be by procrastinating a bit longer by writing an IAS update, don't you? Of course you do! *takes a look at when my last update was and tries to refresh my memory about what's happened since then*

Hrmm... Too much has happened, really, to do the days justice in a report, so I'll just summarize. Basically, the past five days has been full of running errands that I'd been procrastinating on for months.

Friday morning I was supposed to go into my sliding-scale clinic for a walk-in appointment with my social worker and to sign some information release forms, and I wanted to leave by 8 am so I could be there when the doors opened at 8:30 to get the absolute best chance of being able to meet with her, but when I was still in the house at 8:20 I was starting to get into my all-or-nothing mode, thinking if I'm not there right when the doors open, I'll just be wasting my time by going and I should put it off until the next day. Thankfully I was able to force myself to go anyway by reminding myself that I could still get the information release forms signed, and in the end it turned out to be the right choice since Karen (my social worker) wasn't there until around 9:30, and I was able to have an actual counseling session with her supervisor who she's shared my case information with and has a basic background on my situation. The session was very helpful, and I came out with a lot of good thoughts to chew on. After that I finally got around to buying new shoes to replace the ones that I got as hand-me-downs from my younger (and taller) sister around two years ago, and were probably four years old and certainly falling apart like they were. (By the way, I really like the new shoes I got - they're all black with leather tops and skid-resistant bottoms, and fairly decent support.) I also finally got my ass into Franklin Covey to exchange the planner I bought in December which I had accidentally ordered the wrong version of (one-page-per-day when I need two-page-per-day). I also did a wonderful job that day of not spending money at any opportunity, which is something I'm always trying to work on. After getting home from work that evening I "moved" to Liz and Jeanne's, and in general it was a super-productive day, and I was feeling good about things.

Skipping over the details of the next few days... Let's just say that I kept having more errands to run, and I kept feeling pooped, and my time was pretty much divided purely between work, being productive on non-school things (that were still important), work, and... just generally being non-productive. Even the errands started to feel less and less productive, as my search for a way to graduate in fewer than 50 credits after this semester is over has turned into what seems like a wild goose chase (which I wouldn't mind so much if I could do it over the phone instead of people continually insisting that I make appointments to meet with people in person). I also have generally been losing motivation, and my time at home has increasingly been spent just putzing uselessly. The one school thing I really made progress on was still not actually doing work, but rather spending Monday night making out a schedule for progress through the rest of the semester and writing down what I needed to get done in the next few days to keep up with that schedule. Yesterday I was just terribly lethargic and, despite waking up at 9 am, didn't even get out of the damn house until 12:30, and after one of my appointments I just spend a half-hour on my butt on the carpet in Johnston hall, unable to will myself to go to my bike and go home.

Right now there are still errands I need to take care of (print out my UMC tuition/expense and financial aid information, go to the Hennepin County Human Services office for my EBT interview, meet up with a BIS/IDIM advisor, go to an ICP orientation...). I was actually going to try to take care of those today, and in fact had appointment to meet with an advisor and attend an orientation, but in the end I decided that I've been so distracted from getting actual schoolwork done that I really need to spend the next two days focusing on that before I fall further behind and stress myself out even worse. Besides, I'm kinda burnt out on this wild goose chase anyway, and want to take a few days off before I'm told yet again that I'm talking to the wrong department, or there's nothing they can do for me, or whatever.

Still haven't received my bill from HCMC or my Minnesota driver's permit which I applied for on March friggin' 18th.

Uch. This has been such a crappy few days, and I have to go back to work on Friday... But I finally have my tea again (including 4 oz. of sweet ginger green which hampster_cowboy introduced me to - ありがとう、ナッちゃん！), and I'm going to spend today and tomorrow focused on homework, possibly trying to stay up all night tonight. Just gotta make progress so I can feel good about things again. I've stumbled quite a bit lately, but I'm still strong enough to get back up, brush myself off, and keep going.

...after I finish the most recent episode of Game of Thrones that I started watching last night before chatting with Mike on Skype. ^^;

Oh! A quick, depressing note on my school situation: assuming I pass all of my classes with a C- or better from this semester on, and stick with my accounting B.S. at Crookston, after this semester I'll have 50 credits to go, and when I graduate I'll have 162 credits and have attempted 215. Because I'm apparently awesome like that. ><;;;'

Oh!(x2) I also have weekly appointments with Karen Hall (my social worker) starting next Monday through May 31st, so I'm hoping that'll help keep me grounded through the rest of this semester and beyond. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

• Tue, 12:25: 3.5 hours after waking up, and 12.5 hours after going to bed, I'm FINALLY getting my ass out of the house to take care of things. ><;; #IAS
• Tue, 12:31: Putting my winer jacket back together. Stupid mood-swingy weather...
• Tue, 13:37: Walking Nellie now. #IAS
• Tue, 15:09: Argh, got to the BIS/IDIM orientation only to basically be handed off to another department. Blargh...
• Tue, 15:30: At the BIS/IDIM orientation, and starting to feel like crap emotionally again... This has been such a rollercoaster... #IAS
• Tue, 15:50: This feels more like a wild goose chase that making productive progress... My emotional state's deteriorating again, too... #IAS
• Tue, 17:25: Leaving for TeaSource until they close at 9 - join me if you want.
• Tue, 18:28: At @TeaSource - so many people here I'd love to get to know judging from their conversations that I'm trying not to eavesdrop on.
• Tue, 18:52: Five Fifths of The Princess Bride - looks like a blast! http://t.co/c0cKm6Ke
• Tue, 21:07: I'm always amused that I only recognize myself as having had three boyfriends in my life when, if I'm honest, there was a fourth.

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Day 3

To be honest, it's a bit hard to remember yesterday... *goes back to my Tweets to remind myself* Ah, right. So, despite having gone to bed around 2 am the previous night, my body apparently decided I was awake at 7 am, and I gave in and got out of bed around 7:30, figuring I'd get an early start on walking Nellie and maybe spend a bit of time tidying my room, then move on with my productive day. In the end I started walking Nellie 10 minutes late and laid down for a "30 minute nap" that lasted for nearly 4 hours... Not long after that I got a text from Allie asking if I had time to talk, and told her that I was free right now and to go ahead and call. She ended up calling around 2 pm and we had a wonderful conversation that was the most cathartic one I've had in a looooong time.

I won't go into the details of the conversation, but the bulk of what made me so happy was I had thought that I didn't mean anything to her, but she actually views me as more than "that girl who used to live with us and is so annoying with always wanting to hang out with me", and also that she understands a lot of the problems I've had in my life and why I made certain decisions that I did. It was just like... I thought I only had one sister, but I do indeed have two. :) It's so hard to explain without going into details... In any case, the point is that after that conversation I felt like nothing could go wrong with my day after that, and I shared my happiness with a bunch of my family and closest friends, and... promptly made an ass out of myself which pissed one person off and made Allie quite unhappy with me. :-/ But at least at this point I have reason to believe that she'll forgive me, and she seemed to appreciate that I told her about my assery directly.

Anyway, work was work. Apparently I can't keep the container of plastic utensils I bought for everyone's use out of my locker unless I put it in the fridge. ^^; (They're trying to control pests and mess in the break room by requiring all food and food containers be in the fridge or in our lockers.) Got off of work and... putzed.

Day 4

Today was a mixed bag, but in general very positive. I was supposed to be at Liz and Jeanne's by 10 am, but overslept and got up at 10:23, didn't get outside to walk Nellie until 12:46, and didn't get over to Liz and Jeanne's until about 4 pm. However, most of that time was spent making phone calls and sending e-mails to various U of M services at both the Crookston and Twin Cities campus as well as a couple of medical services. Here's the gist of the calls
- I had thought that 2 of my 3 classes had only loose deadlines but that my 3rd, intermediate accounting I, which I need to pass this semester with a C if I don't want to have my graduation delayed by a whole year, allowed late work with some kind of penalty. Turns out that although she doesn't broadcast this, she's just fine with me turning in my work late and is willing to give me an incomplete if I need it.
- There are at least two different leads on getting me some affordable learning/other disability testing, possibly sooner rather than later, which may help me improve my coping and adaptive skills.
- I was supposed to become eligible for Walgreens health insurance on November 1st, 2011, but was never sent my information packet, so I may be able to enroll in Walgreens health insurance now if I explain my situation. (Additionally, since I'm no longer on quite the insane time deadline that I thought I was with regards to school, I may be able to keep my weekly average high enough to keep my eligibility through the duration of this month, especially since I'm planning to take many of my days off as vacation days.)
- Even if I can't get Walgreens health insurance, I may opt to get U of M health insurance, which has premiums that are 2-3x the cost of Walgreens insurance, but may still be worth it...
- Made an appointment with my social worker for April 25th to deal with all the issues that have been piling on and some of the toll it's taken on my mental health lately.
- Called Health Partners behavioral health to have them send me a medical record release form so Karen can get my mental health history and pick up from there.
- Got in contact with the people at the CLA transfer office to look into getting an Individually Designed Interdepartmental B.A. in case I can get a Piece Of Paper in one or two semesters instead of four to six. Even if I can I might go back to finish a "marketable degree" afterward, but I might be better off for now just being able to get jobs that require a bachelor's in anything.

I think that's pretty much it... Still, it involved a LOT of calling and e-mailing. I'm not sure how much of it was actually taking care of things that needed taking care of, and how much was just rationalized procrastination, but I suppose I shouldn't be too picky, since either way I was being productive. Plus, with all that good news... Well, let's just say I went from having been in that very dark place on Tuesday, to being so happy and full of hope that I couldn't help myself but skip when I was taking Nellie for her walk. I'm just feeling like things are going to work out!

As for Liz and Jeanne's, that was pretty much a great experience. We have a lot of getting used to and comfortable with each-other to do, but they're both very nice people and totally helpful with my endeavor. Granted I spent a lot of time conversing with them on various fascinating subjects, and conversing =/= studying, but usually if I was talking with Jeanne, Liz would eventually point out that I wasn't working, and if I was talking with Liz, Jeanne would point this out. I'm hoping that as we spend more time around each other there will be less of an inclination to find out all sorts of stuff about each-other's lives, and I'll be able to focus a bit more. Besides which, it really is a peaceful and focused environment to work in over there, and they seem to have a really good grasp of what I need. At the end of the night we also talked some about what my goals are and how exactly I want to move forward, and they gave me some great feedback as well.

Moving forward, there are a few changes I want to make. First, Jeanne feels that it's totally natural for me to not be in bed at midnight after getting home from work at 10:30 or 11, and thinks I should accept that and not expect myself to be up at 8 am. (Unfortunately I need to be up that early to make a walk-in appointment with my social worker tomorrow so I can sign some release forms so she can talk to disability services people...) We then talked about some ways that I can improve the likelihood of me actually doing homework after getting home from work rather than just putzing for four hours, and I'm definitely thinking it's worth a try. (Besides, as I'm learning how not to be allergic to hard work in general, maybe it'll make it easier to not be allergic to working after I get home.) I'm also starting to think that I should be spending the nights at there place, partly because as much as my dad loves me and wants what's best for me, right now what he thinks is best for me is to give up for the time being, and while I may need to consider that possibility seriously... Right now I'm building my forward momentum, and actually feeling like things might actually change, beyond which the semester isn't over yet, and... Well, frankly he's a source of negativity at a time where that negativity is only counter-productive right now. Again, once the semester is over, and after I've done my best with this "experiment", I should work with my social worker to honestly evaluate whether he's right or not, and try to quell my knee-jerk reaction against it, but now is not the time for that. So yeah, having someone to haul my ass out of bed and be a source of positive energy and encouragement sounds like a good thing for the time being.

Oh, and a last update on what I actually got done: Well, I finally finished reading chapter 4 of my accounting textbook and was about to start my homework and quiz for that chapter, only to realize I had already done it. I think I had probably done those before actually finishing the reading and then decided to finish reading the chapter before moving on to the next, but it was still a bit amusing (and relieving, and frustrating). So yeah, not much done, but considering how slowly I tend to read, I'm actually quite happy that I finally pushed through the end of it. Hopefully tomorrow will be even more productive.

So, for tomorrow I need to send an e-mail to my accounting teacher with the rest of my accounting questions, maybe type up the notes I wrote, make a to-do list for my assignments as well as things written down on my distraction pad, maybe write up a schedule for what I want to get done by each day of the next month, re-work my daily schedule to account for sleeping at Liz and Jeanne's as well as getting up later, and get together my stuff for sleeping over there... I think that's it? Eh, good enough. I'm tired and I have to be up early tomorrow, so if I forgot something I'm sure I'll think of it then. ^_^; G'night, y'all. *zonks*

• Tue, 13:04: I have a bit of putzing to do with the specific shades, but I'm finally happy with my new LJ layout. Now back to #IAmStrong ><;
• Tue, 13:07: (Quick backslide: I'm frustrated with how this theme appropriates text colors to certain graphical elements. More control = better, guys.)
• Tue, 13:36: Actually outside with Nellie on her leash. Progress! #GoMe #IAmStrong
• Tue, 14:06: In bed (to make it easier to get started) with my text, DP, pen case; WiFi on iPod turned off. Yo~shi, benkyou shiyou! Ganbare! #IAmStrong
• Tue, 14:34: Battling drowsiness like woah. Playing Ougon Soul (a song, not game) and getting ready to move to the dinning room table. #IAmStrong
• Tue, 14:36: Eeeew. Just had some food come up and was expecting it to be pasta, but it turned out to be nasty-tasting meds. #NoSenseOfTMI
• Tue, 14:56: Today hasn't been going well AT ALL. At least Dad'll be home in a couple hours. #IAmStrong #NoImNot
• Tue, 15:47: Inu X Boku SS: Promising premise, extremely disappointing execution. (@elliewix gave me permission for one episode of anime.)
• Tue, 16:29: Finally got back to work and I'm feeling much better this time. #IAmStrong
• Tue, 18:06: So, so, so many thanks to Margaret and especially @elliewix. You brought me back from a dark place, and I couldn't do this without you two.

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Putting this as a separate entry so I can explicitly point people to it without making them go through a tl;dr entry. Anyway, Dad and ellie_desu pointed out that despite feeling like I need massive support from my friends, they probably have no idea what I actually need, and I should ask for it explicitly. As I intimated in an earlier Tweet, right now I feel like I"m running a marathon - the marathon of my life, really. To me, it is crucial that I make it to the finish line without burning out, and ellie_desu and a few other friends/acquaintances are providing wonderful practical support, but as needy and lame as this sounds, if I'm going to keep a positive snowball going, I need to be able to look up occasionally and see friends faces at the sidelines, waving a "You can do it!" banner for me. And unlike a marathon, I'm probably going to need more of that cheerleading at the beginning of this marathon than at the end, but I can't say for sure. So if you're able to, and if it comes from somewhere real in you, I would appreciate it so much if, on occasion, you "Like" my Twitter posts about successes I've had, or give me a "Don't give up!" comment when I've had a bad day. If you want to go slightly further, I continue to encourage you to randomly call me sometime after 8 am cst to ask if I'm out of bed, or poke me back on track if I seem like I'm deviating too far from what I'm supposed to be doing. Again, I realize that you have your own lives, and this must seem terribly needy and co-dependent, but until I can develop good habits and self-discipline, the fact is that while I have to do the reading and work myself, I can't succeed at this without depending on others. So yeah, not asking for you to comment on every little thing I mention, or even every single day, but just... If you actually want to, and if you feel like I'm doing a good job, let me know, eh? </lameness>

ETA: By the way, to my RL friends: I know I've been a total shit friend really ever since I've moved back: not hanging out enough, not following through when we've made plans to get together... Part of that is me being an irresponsible dolt who can't follow through, but part of it goes back to the "even if I end up just putzing and procrastinating when I'm at home, if I'm out socializing I just find myself feeling guilty for not being at home where I can do homework". That's the same reason I haven't been going to MAS or tea ceremony for weeks - I feel like I'm in no position to being away from home doing such frivolous things. So I probably don't deserve to ask you guys to be my friend in this, but if I manage to instill good study habits in myself this semester so I can keep on top of things in future semesters, hopefully I'll be able to start being a proper friend to you guys again.