misc - 月

I don't know how the move is supposed to happen now...

So, Expanding Horizons doesn't want to move me (which isn't unusual for the company losing a client), and the Integrity Living Options (the new company) doesn't want to move me, leaving us with the only option of having my social worker move me in her small SUV. Even if I had the money to pay for a U-Haul (or any vehicle larger than her SUV), she wouldn't be allowed to drive it. I don't know how the fuck this move is going to happen now...
misc - 月


ARGH! Maybe 45 minutes ago I heard Codey leave his room and take his dirty bedding to the laundry room, as he does, and then go upstairs for a smoke, as he does. Maybe half an hour later I go upstairs to pour myself some cereal, and Codey's sitting there on the couch next to M with the TV off, and with overnight staff sleeping on the couch across from him. (According to her she had asked him if he wanted a cigarette when he came upstairs, and apparently he didn't, although a pack of his cigarettes was on the dining room table, perhaps in case he changed his mind, or perhaps she put out there earlier in case she fell asleep. IDK - not the point of this story anyway.)

So, I finish my cereal, and Codey and I go downstairs to where out bedrooms are. I happen to go into his room to mark off the days on his calendar until when I leave (for better or worse, I'd like him to understand that "our days are numbered), and realize not only has he not re-made his bed, but he also doesn't have any clean bedding where staff are supposed to put it. Staff KNOW that he needs to have clean bedding there when he goes on bed at night. Thankfully it turned out his bedding was in the dryer, with a load of normal clothes in the washer, but this was either a major failing of day staff and a minor failing of overnight staff in assuming day staff had taken care of this, or a day staff had passed down the laundry status and it was a major failing of overnight staff to not finish the job. Regardless, I don't think either today's day or overnight staff are being thorough about pass-down.

Anyway, I put Codey's dry bedding in his room so he could make his bed and go back to sleep, put the clothes from the washer into the dryer, and woke up overnight staff (which is quite a challenge - I had to resort to plugging her nose and closing her lips, although she awoke as soon as I touched her lips) to apprise her of the situation, and to let her know not to assume day staff did everything they needed to. I'll also be letting Diane know what happened on Monday morning.

Seriously, though, this kind of shit is why I hate it when staff sometimes gets resentful about me "telling them how to do their jobs". A) I've been hearing for over three years and most of you have been here less than a year, B) no-one's perfect and often when I say something it's meant as a suggestion that you may not have consider, and C) sometimes staff actually fuck up and their superiors aren't around to notice it, much less comment on it.

Blargh. I want to say "thank goodness I'll be gone soon", but I don't mean it for all sorts of reasons. I just hope that after I tell Diane about it on Monday, she'll make sure that shit doesn't happen again.
misc - 月

"25 random facts about yourself that may surprise friends..."

1. Do you make your bed?
Only when my room is clean enough that making the bed is a "finishing touch".

2. The first car that was officially yours?
Can't drive.

3. Three grocery items you don't run out of?
I don't think there's anything I *never* run out of, but generally speaking, probably eggs, milk, and protein powder?

4. When did you start doing your own laundry?
My first year in the dorms, which would have been fall '05.

5. If you could, would you go to High School again?
In a heartbeat, and this time with proper help for my disabilities.

6. Can you parallel park in under three moves?
Can't drive.

7. A job you had people would be shocked to know?
Probably nothing.

8. Do you think aliens are real?
Do I think aliens exist? Almost certainly. Do I think they've been anywhere near earth? Nope.

9. Can you drive a stick shift?
Can't drive a stick or automatic.

10. Guilty TV pleasure?
Hoarders, perhaps?

11. Would you rather be too hot or too cold?
I'd rather be too hot than too cold, but at least when you're too cold you can usually put on more layers.

12. If the world ends do you want to be one of the survivors?

13. Sweet or salty?

14. Do you enjoy soaking in a nice bath?
If I have a book or good music with me.

15. Do you consider yourself strong?
Not at all.

16. Something people do, physically, that drives you crazy?
Chewing with their mouth open.

17. Something you do, physically, that you are sure drives people crazy?
Snorting when I have mucous stuck in my nasal passages.

18. Do you have any birthmarks?
Not that I'm aware of.

19. Favorite childhood game?
Four square.

20. Do you talk to yourself?

21. Do you like doing jig-saw puzzles?
Sure, as long as they're not TOO hard.

22. Would you go on a reality TV show?
Depends on the show.

23. Tea or coffee?
Seeing as I despise coffee, tea for sure.

24. First thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up?
Astronaut, perhaps? I also wanted to be teacher, nun/teacher, ballerina, and an aerospace engineer who would design an interstellar spaceship a la the Enterprise D.

25. No matter how much money you have or don't have, what are you an absolute snob about?
Maybe buying "ethical" animal products? Also not buying products that are cheap in both senses of the word. Usually I'd rather not have something than have a shitty something.
misc - 月

My possessions, or my friends and family?

Guys, I have a problem... As we've been looking at me possibly moving to that foster home in White Bear Lake, I realized that I won't be able to move all of my belongings in one van ride, even with all but two seats removed. The biggest (literally) problem is my desk I got for free while in Duluth: it's a solid wood (oak?) desk, with three drawers on one side, and two on the other, one of which is actually for hanging files. If it were brand new, it would probably cost upwards of $500 retail. It's not in perfect condition, but it's literally the nicest desk I've ever had.

So even I do an amazing job of getting rid of most of my media, etc., the likelihood of me being able to get another desk like this is low. I mean, obviously I could try to sell it, but I don't know how or where to sell it so I would get close to its actual value, and maybe find another desk like it for the same amount I sold it for in the Twin Cities. And of course, there's the fact that I'd have trouble separating from most of my other belongings anyway. When I last moved 150 miles, I was able to pick up more stuff each time I visited the Cities, but I won't have a reason to visit Duluth on the regular, and Heights House doesn't exactly have the extra storage space that Columbia Heights Board and Lodge did.

So, I'm thinking I need to rent a U-Haul, which would cost $150 that I don't have (unless of course I manage to sell my desk), and then I'd also have to pay for a car rental to get staff back to Duluth, and this is all assuming Expanding Horizons would allow its staff to drive rental vehicles that I paid for, or that U-Haul would allow me to pay for vehicles when I don't even have a driver's license. If I *can* manage to sell my desk for a decent amount, that could cover the cost of a moving vehicle and I wouldn't have to worry about getting rid of my other belongings, but I'd still be deskless and without the funds to buy a new one.

What this all comes down to is that I'm seriously considering passing up an opportunity to live within driving distance of my friends and family, and bussing distance of the U of M, because I don't want to separate with my material possessions. I'm sure my case manager, who has spent three years looking for new housing for me, wouldn't be too pleased with me either. Basically, IDEK.
misc - 月

Lying Codey :(

Hmm... Entry time, and I don't know what to write about. I actually picked out a meal to make this week, planned a grocery list, and went grocery shopping today, although when I got to the grocery store I discovered that my grocery list in my grocery shopping app had somehow been deleted. Yet another reason why I'd like my first serious programming project to be designing a grocery shopping app, though I'd probably make it for Android rather than iOS. Thankfully I was able to look up the only recipe I needed specific ingredients for, and the rest of what I wanted to get were my staples. I had about $1.50 left at the end of my trip, with which I decided to get a box of Nutty Bars, which I used to tide myself over before cooking dinner. Had one, and Codey wanted one, so I shared the other with him. Was still hungry, and opened a second two, and no-one wanted to eat the fourth one, so I ended up having three total. Later Codey showed that he had two in his pocket, and when I asked him a couple of different ways if he got it from my box (which I was almost positive he did, and I was later able to verify), he kept saying no. I'm pretty sure he was lying rather than having language issues - the brat. He angrily gave it back to me, and then I asked him if he wanted one of his own ice cream sandwiches from the freezer, which he did.

Was gonna make chicken coconut curry tonight, since I had a pound of chicken breasts thawing in the fridge since... I'm not actually sure when - less than a week, but longer than ideal. I actually bought a second pound of chicken breast at the grocery shore, since I've discovered that one can of coconut milk is really too much for only a pound of chicken breast, but then I re-discovered that I had a jar of Trader Joe's curry simmer sauce that my mom gave me a while ago, which needed only one pound of chicken, so I put that second pound in the freezer. I'm actually kind of glad I used the Indian-style curry sauce, because it was a nice break from my usual coconut curry.

Hmm... What else... I want to write more, but I really can't think of anything else to write about right now. Oh, I suppose I'll quickly mention that I finally jumped back on the diet bandwagon: weighed myself for the first time in a while this morning, and have tracked everything I ate. My calories will be way over maintenance by the end of the day, but at least I had lots of protein, and keeping track of what I'm eating again is an important first step.

Oh yeah, one last thing - finished re-watching season 1 of Game of Thrones. Seasons 2-5 aren't on HBO at the moment (except for the last episode of season 5), and I have no idea if they'll eventually be putting up those seasons, but I believe I have through season 4 downloaded onto my computer, and can certainly download season 5. For now, though, I'll just focus on finishing reading book 2.
misc - 月

Starting supported employment services with Udac

Estimated 37.3 damage to me tonight on Habitica, and my current health is 21.7, and I'm 3.56 gold away from being able to buy another health potion. Estimated damage from not doing an LJ entry: 4.6. Time to do that entry. (If I also eat a serving of veggies, and floss and brush, I should be out of the woods, assuming I don't get a critical hit. Hopefully I'll also get enough gold to buy a health potion.) Well, I guess this is proof that Habitica is at least somewhat effective at improving my productivity, even if I never have a perfect day.

Been re-watching season 1 of Game of Thrones. Started watching it on my desktop because it wasn't available on demand, but then it finally showed up on demand, except three episodes are missing, so I've had to bounce back and forth between watching it on TV and on my computer. It's definitely way easier to follow after having listened to the book, and I think I'm also paying a bit more attention than I did the first time, possibly because having listened to the book has made me more interested. I just wish I didn't have such a crush on Petyr Baelish... Then again, I'm not squeamish about my crush on The Master or Sherlock's Moriarty, so why am I squeamish about my crush on Baelish?

Had a meeting yesterday with the woman, Lindsey, who I'll be working with for supported employment services at Udac. I admitted that I have significant concerns about whether my attendance when working through SES would improve over how my attendance has been at Essentia Fitness Center, especially since SES jobs are at regular companies such as Walgreens, and expectations will be similar to if not the same as a regular job. However, I expressed my hope that perhaps (embarrassingly) I've had such poor attendance at EFC because I know the consequences aren't severe, and maybe the heightened consequences of attendance issues in a more traditional employment situation will provide extra motivation to just get my fucking ass to work. Lindsey seemed to have a good grasp of my situation in this respect, and seems to have the same hesitant optimism I have. And in any case, it will likely be at least four months before I actually start any jobs through SES, which will give me time to work on taking my attendance at EFC more seriously and get into better habits.

Honestly, assuming I can get the attendance issues under control, I am extremely optimistic about what Udac's supported employment services program can do for me. With exceedingly few exceptions, I have felt extremely incompetent at every job I've had since I started working after graduating from high school in 2004. I worked hard and had a good work ethic, but I would frequently make mistakes, and I would consistently work at a significantly slower pace than my peers, and than my managers expected me to. For the most part I felt like I had good job security, but that was mainly because employers don't want to open themselves to having to pay unemployment, and I was a good enough worker that my employers generally didn't have cause to fire me. (The only exception was Best Buy, where my till was off too many times, and since they didn't suspect any bad intentions on my part, they gave me the option to either quit, or wait for the dismissal process to go through HR. I chose to quit for various reasons.) Regardless, even if I managed to keep my jobs, I knew my raises would be few and far between, and I would never get a promotion.

In any case, the reason I'm so hopeful about supported employment services is that the first two months are spent entirely on in-depth analysis of my interests, talents, weaknesses, habits, etc., so that when we actually start the process of looking and applying for jobs, there will be a much higher probability that the experience will be a positive one. Additionally, I can have a job coach working with me for as long as I feel I need it, hypothetically forever, and if I start working without a job coach and then feel I need one again, they can start working with me again. My job coach can also provide a ride to and from work for me, and there are many clients for whom that's all the job coach does, which would be especially awesome if I want to work somewhere that busses don't really serve, or at a time that they don't run. (I have a feeling there are some limits to this - they probably don't provide rides at extremely early or late hours, but I haven't actually asked.)

Okay, I'm very much past 750 words, it's getting hard to keep my eyes open, and I have other stuff to do before I go to bed if I don't want to die in Habtica tonight, so I'll wrap this entry up. G'night!
misc - 月

Getting on the same page with Dan

Another Habitica-motivated LJ entry. It feels so weird to have to force myself to use LJ, but I know it's something I want to do, and between being out of practice and my anxieties about using a ghost platform... Well, there's just no other way. :-/ There's really so much I want to talk about right now, though, and at the same time too much and it makes it hard to figure out where to start, and where I'm going to end. Time for a stream of consciousness, I suppose?

It's been tough, but I've been standing up for myself more with Dan (one of the full-time staff here, and the one that I probably butt heads with the most), which has been really stressful. I've finally talked to him about residents having first dibs on the TV at all times, regardless of whether I could watch the same thing downstairs; I've talked to him about the situation with the dishes, and how it seemed like he was taking just my dirty dishes out of the sink and putting them in my corner, while leaving others' dirty dishes in the sink, setting a double-standard; and I've talked to him about how when I'm having a low spoon/high anxiety day where I'm fighting to keep putting one foot in front of the other, his tendency to constantly make comments along the lines of "So, you're not going to work today?" are demotivating. It turns out some of these situations involved misunderstandings (or perhaps him making shit up that makes him look better...), but after at least two of these conversations he followed up with me later, and we managed to get on more or less the same page with them. He's a really frustrating, bullheaded, and defensive guy who has a very different approach to life than I do, but in the end I'm very grateful that when push comes to shove, he really does try to see things from my perspective.

Made it to both individual therapy and ADT today. It sucks that being in ADT 9 hours a week means I only get to see my therapist for a half hour a week, which on weeks that are tough for me means we barely get to scratch the surface. At least I can meet some of those needs with my ARMHS worker? Afterwards I met up with a guy I met on OkC and saw Deadpool with - I had made homemade lasagna on Sunday night, and he loves lasagna and said it looked good, so I wrapped some up in tin foil to give to him, and he gave me a ride home from Nystrom (well, technically from Starbucks).

Evening wasn't as productive as I'd have liked it to be, but I did get a lot of my Habitica tasks done (aiming for a perfect day!) and renewed/picked up some daily meds that I would have run out of during or slightly after my Twin Cities trip. Also spent some time tidying my room, which God knows it needed.

Oh, on a completely unrelated note, I've decided not to buy any more Kindle books (or really any books at all) unless I already know I really want to read it, or it's a non-fiction book that would be particularly beneficial for me or my interests. I know that ebooks don't take up any physical space, but I have a long enough book backlog as it is without adding to it faster than I can read through it. If I finish my current fiction collection I'll consider browsing for stuff I haven't heard of before.

Alright, I'm getting pretty pooped and this was a decent summary of my day, so I'm gonna turn off the computer. Night, y'all!
misc - 月

Sprained Ankle Blues

Was near death in Habitica, and although I bought a health potion and did a couple super-simple dailies to get me out of the woods, I really need to give myself more of a health buffer so I can survive until I next level. (Well, survive without buying another health potion, anyway.) I pushed today's rollover to 9 am (usually it's at 3 am) to give myself plenty of time to catch up. SO! Let's get today's LJ entry taken care of (4.3/18.9 damage if I don't complete it). (Still, I'm pretty exhausted, so this entry definitely won't be exhaustive.)

So... What's been going on lately... Our washing machine was broken last week (it got fixed on Monday, a day earlier than was estimated), so on Sunday (2/28) one of the staff and I went to Endion to do laundry. Man, Endion 2 is special... Granted no-one lives there right now, but I can tell you now that if I had the opportunity to move there, I would say no without a thought. (Endion 2 is the only house in the company where there's no staff actually present in the house, though residents can go over to Endion 1 if they need help with something.) The worst part was that the dryer at Endion 2 is probably 40 years old, and covered in crud that made me not even want to touch it. I should have known from how old it was that it would need to run a lot longer than a machine from this decade would, but when staff was done doing laundry at Endion 1 (I only had one load to do), I went to get my laundry out of the Endion 2 dryer and it was still somewhat damp. It wasn't that big of a deal since it's not like it was fresh out of the washer, and the dryer at Heights was working just fine, but I still felt stupid for not bothering to check it in the time I was waiting for staff to finish the laundry he was doing.

Finally we headed out to the van, and my hands were full with my laundry hampers, my vision impeded, and... I twisted my left ankle (I believe it's the same one I sprained really badly almost exactly two years ago when I was living at CHBL). Thankfully the sprain was relatively mild, and I was walking normally on it by Wednesday, but not having an ACE bandage anywhere in the house sucked. (I swear I used to own at least two - what happened to them?) At least I was able to get rides any time I would have had to walk more than a block, and Ineke was perfectly willing to let me stay downstairs and stick to loading/unloading the machines and folding. Unfortunately my ankle is still tender to the touch, and hurts a bit when I stretch it. I also seem to be getting referred (or some kind of) pain in my knee, which is annoying. I sent a message to my GP asking if the tenderness is normal (didn't mention the knee), or if I should have my foot looked at in case it's more than a sprain and needs some sort of intervention, but she probably won't get back to me until Monday afternoon.

Made it to all my appointments this week, and with the exception of two cases where it was out of my control, was on time to all the appointments as well. Yay, me! Hopefully I'll be able to keep that going next week.

Been spending a lot of time reading Automate the Boring Stuff with Python. (Typing that reminded me that I needed to update some information on that book on Goodreads, which I literally just did.) Finally got past the groundwork chapters, which were 95% review for me, and now I've gotten to some of the actual projects. Really looking forward to learning how to manipulate PDFs, since that's something I've been doing more often as I've had to scan in paper paystubs, and the online tools are a little unwieldy IMO.

Okay, I think that was a decent enough entry, and nothing else in popping into my head to write about, so I'm gonna post this, maybe clean my room for 15 minutes and irrigate my nose, and then hit the sack.
misc - 月

Beginning a Klondike implementation

This is my first entry in a very long time. On the Jefferson bus back to Duluth after a weekend with R. Saw Deadpool a second time, which was fun. My new catch phrase is probably "Minimum effort..." Also got to meet B (who's temporarily living with R), and our second meeting seemed to go WAY better than our disastrous first meeting, which is good because I'll probably see her again at the LAN party next month.

Went to India Spice House with Allie yesterday. It was really nice to finally spend some one-on-one time with her outside of her giving me rides places. I really wanted to pay for her lunch (it was a buffet), since I haven't been able to be a big sister to her since walking her home from elementary school and occasionally babysitting, but she refused to let me, which actually really bothered me... I mean, to be fair her finances are probably way better than mine now that she has a full-time office job at the U, and I'm sure that was her reasoning, but it was also really important to me to do something for her.

Anyway, moving on from my griping about that, lunch itself was delicious, and being a buffet I could try tons of new food I'd never even heard of before. Buffets are definitely my preference when it comes to authentic food that I'm unfamiliar with, or really any food I'm unfamiliar with. That way I can freely experiment with my taste buds without worrying about wasting any food that it'll turn out I don't like. I just try a little bit of everything. Afterwards we went to a little bakery called Nothing Bundt Cakes, which literally sold nothing but bundt cakes in different sizes and flavors. They were giving samples of their turtle bundt cake, which was wonderfully moist, had just the perfect amount of caramel, and a delicious frosting (probably cream cheese), but I couldn't justify buying any of what they were selling. Of course as I'm writing this I'm rather hungry, and the topic is making me even more hungry...

R has me working on a programming project apart from any MOOCs I'm taking - working on a Klondike solitaire implementation using classes. So far I've managed to make a card class and a deck class. The card class has value, suit, visibility (face up or face down), and location attributes (i.e., it starts with its location being in the draw pile). It also have a flip method, for making a face-up card face-down or vice-versa. As for the deck class, it creates a deck of 52 cards of the appropriate value/suit combinations, all initially face-down, and I've implemented a shuffle method. (I also have __str__ methods for both classes.) I obviously have a long way to go, but I think my next step will be to set this project up on GitHub (or GitLab, since that's what R uses).

ADT (Adult Day Treatment) from 1 to 4 tomorrow, and I'll probably go grocery shopping some time after that, since I couldn't go today due to being in commute from the Twin Cities. I need to spend some time figuring out my priorities this week, since I manage to not complete Principles of Computing I again. I also desperately need to clean my room in hopes of finding my driver's permit which has been missing for a while, in addition to doing some work in Mint and submitting my paystub info to St. Louis (Anoka?) county so they can calculate how much rent I need to pay for January. Plus I stil have to do three years worth of taxes and find out my options for getting federal student loans before my 12 month rehabilitation plan is complete. That last part can wait until I catch up on my taxes, though, since I can't get any student aid without completing my FAFSA anyway.

I think I've babbled on enough for this particular entry. I hope to be back with another entry very soon, but I make no promises.