Been re-watching season 1 of Game of Thrones. Started watching it on my desktop because it wasn't available on demand, but then it finally showed up on demand, except three episodes are missing, so I've had to bounce back and forth between watching it on TV and on my computer. It's definitely way easier to follow after having listened to the book, and I think I'm also paying a bit more attention than I did the first time, possibly because having listened to the book has made me more interested. I just wish I didn't have such a crush on Petyr Baelish... Then again, I'm not squeamish about my crush on The Master or Sherlock's Moriarty, so why am I squeamish about my crush on Baelish?
Had a meeting yesterday with the woman, Lindsey, who I'll be working with for supported employment services at Udac. I admitted that I have significant concerns about whether my attendance when working through SES would improve over how my attendance has been at Essentia Fitness Center, especially since SES jobs are at regular companies such as Walgreens, and expectations will be similar to if not the same as a regular job. However, I expressed my hope that perhaps (embarrassingly) I've had such poor attendance at EFC because I know the consequences aren't severe, and maybe the heightened consequences of attendance issues in a more traditional employment situation will provide extra motivation to just get my fucking ass to work. Lindsey seemed to have a good grasp of my situation in this respect, and seems to have the same hesitant optimism I have. And in any case, it will likely be at least four months before I actually start any jobs through SES, which will give me time to work on taking my attendance at EFC more seriously and get into better habits.
Honestly, assuming I can get the attendance issues under control, I am extremely optimistic about what Udac's supported employment services program can do for me. With exceedingly few exceptions, I have felt extremely incompetent at every job I've had since I started working after graduating from high school in 2004. I worked hard and had a good work ethic, but I would frequently make mistakes, and I would consistently work at a significantly slower pace than my peers, and than my managers expected me to. For the most part I felt like I had good job security, but that was mainly because employers don't want to open themselves to having to pay unemployment, and I was a good enough worker that my employers generally didn't have cause to fire me. (The only exception was Best Buy, where my till was off too many times, and since they didn't suspect any bad intentions on my part, they gave me the option to either quit, or wait for the dismissal process to go through HR. I chose to quit for various reasons.) Regardless, even if I managed to keep my jobs, I knew my raises would be few and far between, and I would never get a promotion.
In any case, the reason I'm so hopeful about supported employment services is that the first two months are spent entirely on in-depth analysis of my interests, talents, weaknesses, habits, etc., so that when we actually start the process of looking and applying for jobs, there will be a much higher probability that the experience will be a positive one. Additionally, I can have a job coach working with me for as long as I feel I need it, hypothetically forever, and if I start working without a job coach and then feel I need one again, they can start working with me again. My job coach can also provide a ride to and from work for me, and there are many clients for whom that's all the job coach does, which would be especially awesome if I want to work somewhere that busses don't really serve, or at a time that they don't run. (I have a feeling there are some limits to this - they probably don't provide rides at extremely early or late hours, but I haven't actually asked.)
Okay, I'm very much past 750 words, it's getting hard to keep my eyes open, and I have other stuff to do before I go to bed if I don't want to die in Habtica tonight, so I'll wrap this entry up. G'night!